• The Human Centipede (2009)

    We only received 3 of these.  It was a mystery to everyone in the store... but only I was brave enough to open the Pandora's box of horror movies.   The back of the box hinted at it being the most grotesque and horrifying film of the decade.  Could it stand up to it's own hype?

    The movie is about this crazy Japanese-German doctor who decided it would be a great idea to try combining his three dogs into a single triple-dog entity.  Unfortunately,  his new best friend dies and the heartbroken surgeon decides he wants to up the ante on his next project.  He captures two girls and another a poor unsuspecting tourist, and connects their digestional tracts together to form a brand new human centipede!

    The concept alone should be enough to raise red flags, but this movie really does stretch the boundaries of...boredom.  The idea is completely ridiculous, and difficult to take it seriously.  The acting is awful, especially the two girls who seem to be making it a career goal to be as obnoxious as possible.  The good doctor (who is almost impossible to understand due to a heavy accent) actually does a favor by shutting them up via "anal connection surgery".  This movie also manages to be exceedingly slow.  There wasn't a single part that really kept me on my toes; or interested for that matter.  Don't get me wrong, most of it is gross; but that is pretty much all it accomplishes. 

    I can't really recommend this crap to anyone.  I'm sure the few people that pick it up are just doing it out of curiosity like I did.  The bad acting, combined with the terrible pacing and almost funny concept make it the complete opposite of a horror movie.  Pick it up if you want something ridiculous to laugh at.

    The Human Centipede is my first movie to receive a 1/5! Congrats!


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